Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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