I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
