I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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