Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
