Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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