I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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