The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
