omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
