hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
