just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
