Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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