Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
