last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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