this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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