I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
