just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
