Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
