If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
