Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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