I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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