I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
