I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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