You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
