Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
