Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
