I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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