apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Alive.
So much puke
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
