Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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