my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
