jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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