i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
