I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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