I am in a vortex of obligation.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
