great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
