You work out of a Hotel?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
