i need an iv and a liver transplant
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
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