i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
