I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
