I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
