did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
