i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i believe in u and ur pee
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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