i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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