Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
