Well apparently he's into motor boating.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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