I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
