We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
