Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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