I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
