Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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