You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
